Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
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