his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
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