i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
Randomize
