you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
