Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
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