You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
Randomize
