you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Randomize
