My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
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