I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
Randomize
