I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
