Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
That's how pantless uber rides happen
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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