Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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