anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
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