she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Randomize
