After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Randomize
