Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
I think my fart just growled at me.
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
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