Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
Randomize
