Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
