So drunk, too bad you don't want this
I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Randomize
