so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
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