he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
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