My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
Randomize
