Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
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