just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
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