Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
Randomize
