I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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