New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
Randomize
