i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
as a side note pls kill me
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
And then he peed in my hair
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