I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
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