why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
