How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize
