Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Randomize
