Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
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