okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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