I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Randomize
