the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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