id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Randomize
