Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
Randomize
