It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
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