So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Randomize
