i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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