Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Randomize
