I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
