Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
