How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Randomize
