i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
