Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
Randomize
