im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
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