YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
Randomize
