my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
