trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
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