It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Randomize
