I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
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